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The Lesson of the Downfall of Solomon

We will take a hard look at Solomon.  But before we do that, I want to first look at the life of Timothy and how he developed into such a strong believer.

Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ through the will of God, according to the promise of the life which is in Christ Jesus, to Timothy, my beloved child: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve as my forefathers did, with a pure conscience. How unceasing is my memory of you in my petitions, night and day longing to see you, remembering your tears, that I may be filled with joy; having been reminded of the sincere faith that is in you; which lived first in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and, I am persuaded, in you also. (2Ti 1:1-5 WEB)

Paul praises the faith that is in Timothy and tells here how it first lived in his grandmother Lois, and then his mother Eunice.  Wow, what a statement of the power of dedicated, faithful women.  Paul calls Timothy his beloved child and speaks of how he longed to see him, night and day longing to see him, remembering his tears.

That speaks loudly of the impact women can have on people and did have on this wonderful man, Timothy as Timothy’s faith that he got from these women had such an impact on him and the people around him.

But there is a different side to this coin that we will look at here and this is a hard lesson.  We will look at the life of Solomon.  First, we will see Solomon described as a man of incredible wisdom, the wisest man ever!

Solomon made an alliance with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh’s daughter, and brought her into David’s city, until he had finished building his own house, Yahweh’s house, and the wall around Jerusalem. However the people sacrificed in the high places, because there was not yet a house built for Yahweh’s name. Solomon loved Yahweh, walking in the statutes of David his father; except that he sacrificed and burned incense in the high places. The king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there; for that was the great high place. Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar. In Gibeon, Yahweh appeared to Solomon in a dream by night; and God said, “Ask for what I should give you.” Solomon said, “You have shown to your servant David my father great loving kindness, because he walked before you in truth, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart with you. You have kept for him this great loving kindness, that you have given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is today. Now, Yahweh my God, you have made your servant king instead of David my father. I am just a little child. I don’t know how to go out or come in. Your servant is among your people which you have chosen, a great people, that can’t be numbered or counted for multitude. Give your servant therefore an understanding heart to judge your people, that I may discern between good and evil; for who is able to judge this great people of yours?” This request pleased the Lord, that Solomon had asked this thing. God said to him, “Because you have asked this thing, and have not asked for yourself long life, nor have you asked for riches for yourself, nor have you asked for the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern justice; behold, I have done according to your word. Behold, I have given you a wise and understanding heart; so that there has been no one like you before you, and after you none will arise like you. I have also given you that which you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there will not be any among the kings like you for all your days. If you will walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days.” Solomon awoke; and behold, it was a dream. Then he came to Jerusalem, and stood before the ark of Yahweh’s covenant, and offered up burnt offerings, offered peace offerings, and made a feast for all his servants. (1Ki 3:1-15 WEB)

There is the story of the beginnings of Solomon and how he became so wise. Notice that it says that Solomon loved Yahweh and walked in the statutes of David, his father.   But, there was as yet no Temple so like the rest of Israel he sacrificed and burned incense in high places.  At this point, Israel still had shrines, places where there were idols, and people burnt offerings there.  Solomon did this practice also.  Still. Yahweh appeared to Solomon in a dream.  He asked Solomon what he wanted. This is what he said.

Now, Yahweh my God, you have made your servant king instead of David my father. I am just a little child. I don’t know how to go out or come in. Your servant is among your people which you have chosen, a great people, that can’t be numbered or counted for multitude. Give your servant therefore an understanding heart to judge your people, that I may discern between good and evil; for who is able to judge this great people of yours?” (1Ki 3:7-9 WEB)

Now, let’s look at these verses in that section as to what Yahweh said:

God said to him, “Because you have asked this thing, and have not asked for yourself long life, nor have you asked for riches for yourself, nor have you asked for the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern justice; behold, I have done according to your word. Behold, I have given you a wise and understanding heart; so that there has been no one like you before you, and after you none will arise like you. (1Ki 3:11-12 WEB)

There is the promise of God to Solomon alone. “a wise and understanding heart; so that there has been no one like you before you, and after you none will arise like you.”  Amazing!

An example of that wisdom follows in the text.

Then two women who were prostitutes came to the king, and stood before him. The one woman said, “Oh, my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house. I delivered a child with her in the house. The third day after I delivered, this woman delivered also. We were together. There was no stranger with us in the house, just us two in the house. This woman’s child died in the night, because she lay on it. She arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while your servant slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. When I rose in the morning to nurse my child, behold, it was dead; but when I had looked at it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, whom I bore.” The other woman said, “No; but the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son.” The first one said, “No; but the dead one is your son, and the living one is my son.” Thus they spoke before the king. Then the king said, “One says, ‘This is my son who lives, and your son is the dead;’ and the other says, ‘No; but your son is the dead one, and my son is the living one.’” The king said, “Get me a sword.” So they brought a sword before the king. The king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.” Then the woman whose the living child was spoke to the king, for her heart yearned over her son, and she said, “Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and in no way kill him!” But the other said, “He shall be neither mine nor yours. Divide him.” Then the king answered, “Give her the living child, and definitely do not kill him. She is his mother.” All Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king; for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do justice. (1Ki 3:16-28 WEB)

This is the famous record of the two women who both claimed the same baby. Two women both had a baby within days of each other. Sadly, one woman laid on the baby in her sleep and it died. Instead of just morning her loss, however, she placed her dead baby in the bed with the other mother and took the other mother’s baby to be her own.

There was no evidence that could prove one person’s claim over the other. Solomon had nothing in terms of evidence to prove anything, one way or another. Yet he had been given this incredible wisdom. In what might appear to some as lunacy he orders that a sword be brought so that the baby can be split in half so that each mother can have part of the baby as they appear to have the same claim. But it never comes to that. The real mother says to let the other one have the baby as she would not harm her baby. It’s an incredible display.

Also, in the prophecy that is given to Solomon, it is told that he will get great riches.

I have also given you that which you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there will not be any among the kings like you for all your days. (1Ki 3:13 WEB)

Later, in first Kings chapter 10, we read that the prophecy of both Solomon’s wisdom and wealth are fulfilled.

Now the weight of gold that came to Solomon in one year was six hundred sixty-six talents of gold, in addition to that which the traders brought, and the traffic of the merchants, and of all the kings of the mixed people, and of the governors of the country. … So king Solomon exceeded all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom. (1Ki 10:14, 23 WEB)

So, we see that it looks like Solomon is set up to live just an incredibly fantastic life. So, what could go wrong? We are going to start reading in first Kings chapter 11.

Now king Solomon loved many foreign women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites; of the nations concerning which Yahweh said to the children of Israel, “You shall not go among them, neither shall they come among you; for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon joined to these in love. He had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart. When Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not perfect with Yahweh his God, as the heart of David his father was. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. Solomon did that which was evil in Yahweh’s sight, and didn’t go fully after Yahweh, as David his father did. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, on the mountain that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech the abomination of the children of Ammon. So he did for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and sacrificed to their gods. (1Ki 11:1-8 WEB)

Here is the sad lesson. The section above is packed with truths about God, men, and women.  Solomon had been busy politically, marrying royal wives from different kingdoms. This was a very strategic move that built up political alliances that helped strengthen his kingdom. But what good is a strong kingdom if what you’re doing to build it up destroys your alliance with the one true God which is the most important thing in anyone’s life.

We read in the above section the reference to “You shall not go among them, neither shall they come among you; for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” This is seen in other places.

When Yahweh your God brings you into the land where you go to possess it, and casts out many nations before you, the Hittite, the Girgashite, the Amorite, the Canaanite, the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite, seven nations greater and mightier than you; and when Yahweh your God delivers them up before you, and you strike them; then you shall utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them, nor show mercy to them. You shall not make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to his son, nor shall you take his daughter for your son. For he will turn away your son from following me, that they may serve other gods. So Yahweh’s anger would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. (Deu 7:1-4 WEB)

There it is again. Marrying someone of a different faith causes a problem. “For he will turn away your son from following me, that they may serve other gods”.  Here we have a couple of places that say that is inherent in marriage with someone who believes differently than you do that it will affect you.

Wow, what a change in the life of this man Solomon!

And in the very next section, we read that Solomon made God angry because he sought to accommodate his wives’ religious desires.

Yahweh was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned away from Yahweh, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice, and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods; but he didn’t keep that which Yahweh commanded. Therefore, Yahweh said to Solomon, “Because this is done by you, and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes, which I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you, and will give it to your servant. (1Ki 11:9-11 WEB)

Yahweh was angry! The end result was that Solomon would lose the kingdom.

The key that I want to focus on here is how it is written that marrying people of a different faith is a mistake.  Deuteronomy 7 says,

You shall not make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to his son, nor shall you take his daughter for your son. For he will turn away your son from following me, that they may serve other gods. (Deu 7:3-4a WEB)

Now, I have heard different people talk about how they approach marrying someone of a different faith. And by faith, I don’t just mean Christianity versus Judaism versus Hinduism and so forth.  The apostles were very concerned that we followed what they taught exactly so in that sense all the different denominations of Christianity are different faiths because they all follow different traditions.

I’ve heard people say it doesn’t matter what faiths the people in a couple have. I’ve heard Christian people say that they will be a witness to their new spouses and work on getting them to convert. Notice that neither of these options is in these verses. The verses just say not to marry someone of a different faith. And, this same concept is in the epistles.

Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2Co 6:14 WEB)

Now, this verse does compare Christian believers with unbelievers. What does “being yoked” together with someone mean?  It means being bound together in some kind of relationship. It could be marriage, or it could be a business partnership or something like that.

Now there are verses that talk about people being married to unbelievers. But if you read them, you’ll see that they’re talking to believers about what to do if their unbelieving spouse chooses not to believe. The context therefore at least suggests that the case here is that someone was not an unbeliever, became a believer, and then needed to know what to do with their unbelieving spouse. The context does not suggest that it is okay to marry unbelievers.

So, what we have been talking about so far is people not marrying people who follow other gods, gods other than Yahweh. Furthermore, the verse in the New Testament means to not be unequally yoked together with someone who isn’t a Christian.

And, next, we need to look at the fine print. We have been looking at many articles that talk about the charge to follow the apostles’ traditions.

So then, brothers, stand firm, and hold the traditions which you were taught by us, whether by word, or by letter. (2Th 2:15 WEB)

Furthermore, in the faith, we are told to avoid those that don’t hold to the apostles’ traditions.

Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw yourselves from every brother who walks in rebellion, and not after the tradition which they received from us. (2Th 3:6 WEB)

Now, that really throws a wrinkle into it, doesn’t it? We have been reading how were not supposed to marry unbelievers. And now we have just read that we’re supposed to avoid even Christians who don’t follow the apostles’ traditions. That really refines the number of people that true believers can marry. If you’re supposed to avoid those that don’t follow the apostles’ traditions then you can’t marry them according to that verse.

Next, I want to talk about some very controversial verses of Scripture.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect. (Eph 5:22-27 WEB)

Now, I have seen this verse used in stories in different media like TV and books to display examples of all kinds of terribly abusive husbands controlling women and basically ruining those women’s lives. Now there are certainly examples where this and every other verse of Scripture has been misused. But that doesn’t change the fact that this is Scripture, and if it is Scripture that it must be part of God’s plan.

What is the message here? The verses talk about the husband being the head as Christ is the head of the assembly, the church. And then it reiterates the concept and, that wives are to be subject to their husbands as the church is subject to Christ. That looks pretty plain and simple. It’s talking about spiritual leadership and service.

Husbands are charged with the task of making sure the household follows God. In the case of believers, as we’ve seen throughout many of these articles. That means that the church follows the apostles’ traditions, and in the house, the house follows the apostles’ traditions.

That is not to say that there is any prescription for demanding or enforcing this charge. It’s a pretty simple paradigm. Men are supposed to lead to keep the household following the apostles’ traditions. Women are supposed to follow.

I’ve seen women basically say that they don’t agree with the man’s leadership.  They think that the man is wrong in some way.  Maybe they think it is the wrong church, it doesn’t have the right programs, or the teacher isn’t very inspiring.  Or maybe they just want to go to some other church because they know people there.

There is no capital punishment, there’s no prison sentence or even community service prescribed for households that don’t follow the husband’s lead.  It’s not grounds for divorce.  In other words, if the wife chooses not to follow the apostles’ traditions it doesn’t prescribe any punishment of any sort. Rather, it charges the husband to be like Christ in continuing to offer leadership to get the house lined up with the apostles’ traditions.

Now here is where some of the rubber meets the road.  It’s the husband’s charge to make the decision.  Of course, if he agrees with the wife then there is no problem, right. Everyone is happy then.  There are times, of course, when the wife will be right. And we are all charged to submit to each other, meaning that sometimes the man needs to submit to the wife’s wisdom as being of God.

subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ. (Eph 5:21 WEB)

But what if he doesn’t agree, moreover, he sees the wife’s wisdom as not following the tradition of the apostles?  It is still the husband’s responsibility to make the right choice. There is a piece of worldly wisdom that I hear quoted, “happy wife, happy life!” Unfortunately, that is not biblical guidance.  Making your wife happy by going along with the wrong spiritual program is the downfall of Solomon.

If the wife decides not to follow the husband’s direction, that is her choice.  It is the husband’s job to lead and to endeavor to keep leading.

And the worst thing is to capitulate and just give in to the wife’s desires like Solomon. So, let’s get back to Solomon, and look again at the result of Solomon’s not leading as a man of God in his own house.

Yahweh was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned away from Yahweh, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice, and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods; but he didn’t keep that which Yahweh commanded. Therefore, Yahweh said to Solomon, “Because this is done by you, and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes, which I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you, and will give it to your servant. (1Ki 11:9-11 WEB)

Again, we see that Yahweh was angry! And the end result was that Solomon would lose the kingdom. It wasn’t as complete a loss as Saul but it still was a major consequence.

Nevertheless, I will not do it in your days, for David your father’s sake; but I will tear it out of your son’s hand. However I will not tear away all the kingdom; but I will give one tribe to your son, for David my servant’s sake, and for Jerusalem’s sake which I have chosen.” (1Ki 11:12-13 WEB)

In our day and time, it’s not as much about worshiping the gods of these ancient civilizations as it is about following the tradition of the apostles or not.

Let us all realize the lesson of the downfall of Solomon. Solomon allowed himself to be persuaded to follow the spiritual desires of the spouse(s) rather than what Yahweh desired for him to follow.

When Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not perfect with Yahweh his God, as the heart of David his father was. (1Ki 11:4 WEB)

As Christians, we are charged not only to follow Christ but to only follow the apostle’s traditions, the teachings of the original apostles on what it means to follow Christ.

Husbands, lead your wives and families to follow the apostles’ traditions. Wives, and families, follow that lead. That doesn’t mean it will be easy.  Marriage is hard work.

In the church in our day and time, our commandment is to follow the tradition of the apostles. Let us do that in this situation also. Husbands, lead your wives and households to follow the apostles’ traditions.

So then, brothers, stand firm, and hold the traditions which you were taught by us, whether by word, or by letter. (2Th 2:15 WEB)

Now I praise you, brothers, that you remember me in all things, and hold firm the traditions, even as I delivered them to you. (1Co 11:2 WEB)

 

April 24th, 2022 Posted by | Sermons | no comments

Black Lives Matter

It has been on my heart to write a post about the racial tension soaring around the States these days but unlike what usually happens there have been no words coming to me, only intense sadness and sorrow. Every time I start to think about it my mind gravitates to the picture of the white police officer calmly kneeling on the neck of that poor black man, George Floyd, ever so calmly killing him. What an image!  And as hard as it is to look at, I am glad that the light has been so brightly shone on this latest example of racial injustice usually done in the shadows. Other images then come like Armaud Arbery jogging and being killed, as well as scenes of protests and riots with pain, sorrow everywhere. While the George Floyd incident is new I have been aware of racism all my life and everywhere I’ve been in this great country. I was in grade school when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was generating heat all around the country and in high school when Martin Luther King was shot.  There were riots then with lots of conflict and blood shed, and they have surfaced on a regular basis since.

Yes, blacks have risen to the point where there have been blacks elected to power in everything from school board seats to President of these United States.  But there is still that great divide where George Floyd and Armaud Arbery incidents demonstrate the severe distrust and a vein of racial injustice that is so damaging to our society.

I have heard and seen some wonderful sermons about the situation and how we as Christians are called to a ministry of reconciliation and are called to act in reconciliation. They are great, and need to be said.  There is a lot of media attention and some good programming dealing with this.  Like so many of you I am watching.  But my prayer is that this will not just be another in a long line of racial injustices with the resulting both peaceful protests and rioting that will continue down the road for more generations.

But now is a time for mourning, and I am grieving.  I think of the families of those poor people, and of widespread injustice, and my tears flow. 

I am sure of this, this injustice is real, and cannot be swept away. 

The leaders in our country from President Trump on down need to know as well as acknowledge that these injustices must be addressed whether answered out by new law, or  existing laws enforced, and the example of reconciliation from all our leadership from top on down needs to be displayed. Yes, police practices everywhere must be reviewed as well as personnel. 

With the COVID crisis both impacting our health and our pocketbooks what this country doesn’t need is another escalation of racial tension that is already marking 2020 as a multifaceted trauma year for this great country.

Black lives do matter! The Black lives matter movement needs to be acknowledged by all leadership from the White House down.

I heard two pastors talk about verses that hit their hearts about this crisis, and they touch mine as well:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;  (Jas 1:19 ESV)

The emphasis there is on the importance of listening, and now especially to those who are grieved.  The second verse is our charge as Christians to share the pain and feel the hurt with those who hurt.  It is a simple five words, but they are not always followed.  It is certainly time now to:

Weep with those who weep.  (Rom 12:15b ESV)

June 10th, 2020 Posted by | Sermons | no comments

H4 The Difficulty Of Some Decisions, The War in our Flesh, Renewing the Mind

This article is about both who we may be now, and who we can become even though it may be so hard that it appears impossible. I’ll start off by saying that at one time I was a smoker, and even though after a while I didn’t want to be a smoker I couldn’t just stop being a smoker. I was a smoker and my mind and body were determined that I was going to stay a smoker! It was a huge struggle for me.

The Apostle Paul writes in the book of Romans about the struggles with following God. He doesn’t mince words either. He calls it a war!

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom 7:14-24 ESV)

This is no joke or hyperbole. And I believe that Paul is talking about believers here, although I acknowledge that some teach that this was only the struggle of those under the law while others teach that this war is the inner struggle of many believers.i

If you are struggling with something that you may even see as impossible then you are experiencing this war. There are people who want to change something about their life but for one reason or another struggle to the point where the change just doesn’t happen. It could be quitting smoking or drinking too much, or not taking care of your body, or being in a wrong relationship with someone you shouldn’t be, or working in a dead-end job when you have the desire to do something more suited to your talents and dreams.

Let’s talk about decisions. Everybody knows that some decisions are harder than others. You’re in a hurry to get somewhere so you quickly eat some cereal and take a cup of coffee for the road. That was an easy decision. And lots of decisions are easy. We have a number of clothes outfits we wear on a regular basis. We may or may not take a minute to decide which, but the decision is still relatively quick. Innumerable decisions are made this way; which shoes to wear, what time to leave, where to walk today, what to have for lunch etc. Oh, we might occasionally agonize on important dates or momentarily day to day, but there is just not time to agonize over everything so we decide rather quickly on many decisions.

However, I have seen that the more expensive something is and the longer that I will own something I take more time and effort to choose carefully. So I may make pro and con lists, spreadsheets comparing qualities and quantities, and pour over review sites. Buying a car, choosing a school, deciding which job to take, these are huge decisions for a lot of us and we can really focus and put all our skills to use to make these. But they are still not that hard to make, relatively speaking.

Some decisions we make can be easy to make but have hard to change consequences later, When I was a senior in high school I was with people that smoked cigarettes. I decided to do that occasionally when I was with them. My dad had smoked most of my life and so many adults smoked that it wasn’t funny. Yes, there were Surgeon general warnings on cigarette packs but the media, TV shows depicting cool characters smoking, TV ads doing the same, made whatever risk appear not very impactful. The media promoted smoking literally everywhere you looked. When I was in college so many smoked there I decided to start smoking cigarettes daily. Nicotine seemed to give me an edge and help me focus,

It is important to realize that my decision to become a habitual user of cigarettes was a gradual one that was many years in the making. In fact, for a long time, I thought I could quit at any time, the foolishness of my youth.

I didn’t suddenly wake up in college and realize I was a smoker. I was seduced by it, the taste of it, the quick rush of nicotine, the relaxing effect sometimes, even the social aspect of gathering regularly with the smokers. I had a little reservation about the surgeon general’s warning but the lure was too big. After about 5 years I was a pack and a half a day man.

So by then, I was one of the people that started realizing that I needed to change something. I started trying to quit, but never for very long. The illusion that I could stop like I could years before was a fantasy I quickly realized as I tried to stop and failed numerous times.

By the time I was was in my thirties I was smoking even more but I coughed regularly, and cigarettes along with my allergies combined to give me chronic bronchitis.

I tried quitting any number of times and fell back into it every time more quickly each time. There were so many times when a “smoke” just felt good and when I was in one of those times I really had a powerful urge to smoke. There’s first thing in the morning, and there’s after meals. There are the coffee breaks where I was used to gathering with the smokers, and there were times with beer and friends. The urge at any one of those times was powerful and relentless.

I had researched stop-smoking programs, and I had heard some training on what was required to genuinely commit to stop smoking. The concept boiled down this: no matter what aids you use you have to decide that you want to NOT smoke more than you want to smoke. That sounds easy, but it’s not. It’s very hard. The urge to smoke was overpowering me every time I tried to quit. This was no light whim or fancy. I was discouraged by the number of times I had so easily started back smoking.

But the concept made sense. To quit successfully you have to have more of the desire to NOT do it than to do it at every possible temptation.

Have you ever heard the expression, “God is in the details?” This expression refers to the truth that an overview of the plan doesn’t work. Just saying I want to quit without thinking it through was my recipe for disaster. You have to do the detail work. In this case, the detail work is to build up the desire for each and every case where I might be tempted to stop. I recognized that I had some desire to change but when that temptation came, my desire wasn’t stronger than the temptation. So I learned to focus on each scenario when I was in it. I thought about waking up and feeling the desire to smoke and then I focused on building my desire to NOT smoke when I was in that scenario. I rehearsed what I would say to myself in that scenario. I did each scenario that way. I started building the desire to NOT smoke in each situation like waking up, breaks, when I feel stressed, around other smokers, having a beer, etc.

The next part of the plan involves what to do in all the tempting scenarios. We do things because we get some benefit from them. Smoking is relaxing, Smoking has a taste. Smoking and talking go together for a lot of smokers. Smoking gives a pickup. How was I going to replace those benefits? Part of this concept of quitting smoking involves replacing the benefits of smoking with healthier alternatives.

It was months before I finally decided I had the desire to overcome smoking. For actions, I decided to chew gum, do deep breathing exercises, exercise more, drink more coffee if I needed a pick me up, talk with the non-smoking crowd, and avoid the scenario altogether if possible.

The gum was easy to do. I bought lots of gum to always have a taste I liked, and something to do with my mouth. I exercised more and did more deep breathing exercises. I did allow myself to drink more coffee, I stopped hanging out with the smokers, and started talking with the non-smokers. And I tried to stay away from the smokers even in a bar having a beer, but that wasn’t easy at that time because the second-hand smoke in bars back then was so bad. Eventually, I had to avoid bars with any significant smoke.

Every time I was tempted to smoke I focused on the desire I had built to NOT smoke more than that desire to smoke! It was working! It took time because I knew the desire to not smoke had to be more powerful than the very powerful urges to smoke that I was experiencing.

I stopped successfully! Or so I thought! I lasted six months. Then I was at a bar having a beer with a friend, and I thought to myself, I have cigarettes beat, but that smoke smells so good. I know I could have just one and not start again. Boy, how wrong I was! Soon my habit was back full strength. I was so disappointed! And my bronchitis was back, and the cough! And, my wife was pregnant with my son!

I prayed about my dilemma. I knew that the plan had worked except that I hadn’t seen one detail The one scenario I hadn’t planned for was after I had quit for a while and I am tempted to think that I can have one cigarette now and then like before I smoked habitually.

The plan needs to have a provision for handling a relapse and mine didn’t at that point.

So I followed the plan again. And this time it included the scenario of having just one cigarette after I quit for a while. I again took my time, And before my son was born, I quit for good.

I’m proud of that decision and that I was able to carry it out.

So it took me maybe 5 years to quit smoking from my late twenties to the age of thirty-three, But after I failed a bunch of times and really planned it right to the point I knew I could quit it took only about a minute to quit. I just knew I was ready this time.

This time I still was very tempted all the times I had been before; after a meal, with a beer, at a break and so on and so forth. And this time I knew I knew I couldn’t just smoke one. And I haven’t for thirty-some years.

There are people who say that God just takes away the desire for something and they can stop doing something they have been doing wrong for a long time. I believe that some people do get that blessing. Or maybe we all do on different things. But, at least sometimes, stopping something we know we need to stop can be very, very hard and take a lot of work. And even then, only if you want to do the right thing more than the other option will you be successful. You may need to get help for any number of sources including counselors, programs, support people, and more. And you need to not be shocked if you relapse and need to further intensify your efforts to make the change permanent.

Years ago I was running a fellowship when a younger man started attending. After a meeting, he asked if he could talk to me. He told me he was gay and asked what I thought about it and what he should do about it. He didn’t have a long term partner, he was in a series of short term relationships. He said he wanted to get out of the lifestyle but just couldn’t after repeated attempts.

I told him along the lines of what I have written about here on this website (see H1 Homosexuality Revisited). He said that he had tried reparative therapy but it didn’t work for him and some others he knew that had tried it with poor results. He told me of strategies that included professional help, all unsuccessful to that point. The lure of the gay lifestyle overpowered him time and time again even though he had decided to stop numerous times,

I told him that I had little experience with the area other than hearing what a difficult struggle it was. I prayed with him and shared with him my struggles with cigarettes and other things. What I had heard were key elements were thinking through the steps to get out of the lifestyle including avoiding places, media that promoted the gay lifestyle, other gays, and so forth that are part of the lure and replacing them with people, places, and media that promote Godly sexuality. I advised him to find more qualified people than myself to help him. I told him we could talk and pray whenever he wanted. He occasionally came to the fellowship, and we would talk afterward. But He couldn’t break free. I didn’t see him after a while.

Then after years had gone by he caught up with me just to tell me that he had done it. The key for him was finding someone else who had done it and really connecting with that person.

He did it. But even though he had wanted to do it for years it took him all those years to finally get there. He had stopped the lifestyle and relapsed numerous times. But he didn’t quit and kept going. He finally was very happy and at peace with where he was.

There are other hard decisions that could apply here as well. Most people who lose a lot of weight gain it back. Most people know that maintaining weight loss is very difficult. There are articles that say the failure rate is as high as 90%ii Additionally one article says that more weight you gain the slower your metabolism becomes. This makes it harder to lose weight the more weight you gain.

Yet there are people that do.

Also I wasn’t a nonsmoker who happened to smoke, I was a smoker. My friend wasn’t a straight person who had a few gay experiences: he was totally gay.

I was a smoker, now I am not, My young fried was gay, now he is not. But it was neither easy nor fast

Words are often easy to say but the action behind those words can be very difficult.

The Apostle Paul’s solution to the war is at the beginning of Romans chapters 8 and 12:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Rom 8:1-2 ESV)

As believers, we have this very Spirit of life in us. But we need to follow it with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Here’s how:

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. (Rom 8:5-6 ESV)

These verses lay out the battle strategy for winning the war, When I smoked my mind was set on the lifestyle of smoking, I looked forward to the morning smoke, smoking with the crowd, having a smoke after this event or that. My gay friend looked forward to his encounters and relationshonips with other gays. Our minds were set on these things and we stayed in them even though at times we wanted out. That was death to us.

But when I started scheming in my mind about life without cigarettes I started winning the war. When my friend connected with an ex-gay and followed his lifestyle his mind became set on the victory he wanted. When we finally got our minds changed we won those wars,

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Rom 12:1-2 ESV)

The world may tell you how appealing it is to smoke. It may lure you with the concepts of casual sex, adultery, the gay lifestyle, and more. You may want to comfort and indulge yourself with the deliciousness of food way more than you need. These concepts apply to every area of life. Gossiping looks like fun, the next thing you know you are part of the evil rumor mill. The world says “everyone cheats”, maybe you should, even if just a little. The world says “everyone lies. go ahead, everyone does it”. The world says “you can take that. They have plenty.” Or “it’s covered by insurance.” The list goes on and on.

But Romans chapter 12 starts with saying that presenting our bodies as holy sacrifices, giving up these attractions of the flesh is our spiritual worship!

And Romans 12:2 says that it is in the changing (renewing) of our minds that this process can happen! Changing your mind may sound easy. But it can be very hard, and take years on some things.

Victory is available, and hopefully won’t be that hard, but you must be ready to go to war if necessary.

i Is Romans 7:14-25 describing a believer or an unbeliever? https://www.gotquestions.org/Romans-7-14-25.html

iiWeighing the Facts: The Tough Truth About Weight Loss, MARSCHALL S. RUNGE, M.D., PH.D. April 12, 2017 , at https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/health-management/weighing-facts-tough-truth-about-weight-loss

December 14th, 2019 Posted by | Homosexualtiy, Sermons | no comments

H3 Four kinds of love in the Bible, When Love is not Love

(Warning – mature content, parental guidance, items of a sexual nature are discussed)

In Agape – First Things First – Christians Love we learn that the love of God is the great commandment of God and the mark of the true believer. But not every place that the word love is used in our English Bible does it mean this love of God.

There are four different Greek words translated love in the English Bible, and they mean different things.

The four words are:

  • Agape – unselfish, unconditional love
  • Phileo – friendship
  • Eros – sexual, romantic love
  • Storge – familial affection

The Definition of Love is a Huge Cultural Topic.

There are some popular songs along the line of love is just love. In fact, Love is Love is a popular song by Grace Potter. It’s a song about infidelity where love is the justification for it.

LeeAnn rhymes wrote a named song Love is Love is Love which is a pro LGBTQ song. Here are some of the lyrics:

“These politics and religion
Everyday they’re starting wars
And we believe we’re not the hateful, no no
When we can dance with the worst of them
When we can sing with our enemies “

In this song, LeAnn projects that anyone that disagrees with the LGBTQ agenda is a hater. But in the song, she does promote hating the hate, not the hater. Hating the sin, not the sinner has been a theme in Christianity for who knows how long.

Love is love is an LGBTQ mantra sold on T-shirts and other paraphernalia. A visit to a gay pride site reveals that mantra along with things like, being Bi is not a choice, being gay is not a choice, being trans is not a choice, do you know what is a choice? Homophobia!.i And then the mantra Love is Love. The LGBTQ point being that any of those lifestyles is not by choice (see H2 Born Gay: Scientific Fact or False Idol of Bad Science?) and they do involve the argument that love and any kind of love is love and is therefore okay and anyone who disagrees with that is just wrong and a hater and so on and so forth.

But, even people in those camps will draw the line at some things. For example, incest. Incest is sex between immediate family members, and in some jurisdictions, first, or even second cousins. For example, in the United States over half of the states ban sexual relations between cousins while the remainder does not. That begs the question of whether love is love there.

Or even more taboo, bestiality! Did you know that bestiality is not illegal in ten states in the US?ii There are three countries in Europe where it is still legal.iii But in most places it is taboo. Sexual love between people and animals in those places banning bestiality is not considered love. Do the people in favor of bestiality call the rest of us bestiphobes?.

There are even groups that advocate for the decriminalization of pedophilia. That is another love that today almost everyone sees as taboo. But the point is that the procession of homosexuality from taboo to legal is an example that what is taboo today could be legal tomorrow. That is true especially if the rule is that all love is love. But the truth is that not all love is love everywhere under all conditions. The disagreement then is what are legitimate conditions. Fifty years ago the argument was for free love, that is sexual love outside of marriage to be acceptable. Today the push is for LGBTQ loves to be acceptable. What is coming tomorrow?

Examples of Different Kinds of Love in the Bible.

Agape – the Love of God

Agape love is the topic of Agape – First Things First – Christians Love. Basically, the greatest love in the Bible is agape. In fact, it is written that God is love:

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1Jn 4:8 ESV)

The words used for love in the above verse are both the verb and noun forms of the Greek word agape.

As we saw in the above-mentioned article agape is the love that we as Christians are called to live.

While it is hard to put into words the greatness of this love we must try. Agape love, the love of God, is the subject of many verses in the Bible including first Corinthians chapter 13:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1Co 13:1-13 ESV)

Some of the highlights to me are that Love is patient, kind, rejoicing, and enduring. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and never ends. Of all the fruit of the Spirit it is the most powerful and important.

It is impossible to quantify this love. In I John it is written that God is love. That is so huge! Agape, the love of God, is God himself, Everything that you can imagine about being good and awesome is in there and then some. That’s our God and that’s the love that we are called to live.

Phileo Love – Friendship

Phileo love is a category of love that refers th that special bond between friends:

… there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Pro 18:24b ESV)

Here we see a closeness referred to that is closer than family. That is the potential of friendship.

In the Bible a very interesting place where we see this friendship love being talked about is regarding Lazarus:

Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” (Joh 11:1-3 ESV)

Now we all know this great story of Lazarus and how Jesus waited until Lazarus was actually dead before he came to heal him. And the resulting miracle is of great note in that Lazarus was raised from the dead.

But this is also an illustration of the fact that our Lord and Savior had friends. Verse three refers to the person that Jesus loved, and the word love there is phileo. Another way to translate it would’ve been “was friends with.”

A very interesting example in the Scripture that contrasts two Greek words, agape, and phileo is in John chapter 21:

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. (Joh 21:15-17 ESV)

The first two times that Jesus asked Peter if he loves him he uses the word agape, but Peter responds with the word phileo. The third time that Jesus asked Peter if he loves them he uses the word phileo, and again Peter responds with phileo. In the English, this looks like they’re using the same word but in the Greek, we see that they are not which shines new light on what is going on here. Jesus is asking Peter if he loves him with the love of God to which Peter never responds that he does. But he does respond that he loves him as a friend. In the end, Jesus charges him to feed his sheep, to pastor his flock.

We are not called to have this special phileo love with everyone. In fact, Paul writes:

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Rom 12:18 ESV)

This verse expresses the reality that you will not be able to live as peaceably with some as others. Not everyone will be that special phileo friend, but we still are called to agape love them,

And not all friendships are good! Look at these verses:

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1Co 15:33 ESV)

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Pro 13:20 ESV)

One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Pro 12:26 ESV)

Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways, for the devious person is an abomination to the LORD, but the upright are in his confidence. (Pro 3:31-32 ESV)

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (Jas 4:4 ESV)

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. (Pro 20:19 ESV)

There are some strong admonitions here. You may be attracted to certain people as friends who are not good for you. Basically, if someone is following the ways of the world they may be an influence for you to do likewise. Stay away from the violent person, the devious person, the foolish person, the babbler. Don’t make friends with people that will increase your temptation to sin!

If you tend to drink too much stay away from people who drink too much. Any person that manifests a tendency to do things that tempt you is probably not a good person for you. People get caught up in all kinds of things; lying, stealing, gossiping, envying, being lazy, hooking up (sexually), drugs. And it may not be apparent right away.

That isn’t to say you can’t be friends with a person with flaws because we all have flaws. But being friends with someone who is weak in a flaw that you are also weak in is flirting with disaster.

On the other hand, there are cases where God calls people to help flawed people with caution:

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. (Gal 6:1 ESV)

There is a great benefit of friendship. If you are caught up in some flaw and someone could help you get out of it, wouldn’t that be great? Or maybe you could be the inspiration for someone else to overcome something! How great would that be!

That brings us to something else. The bible has some good things to say about the benefits of friends:

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Pro 17:17 ESV)

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! (Ecc 4:9-10 ESV)

How great it is to have a friends to help each other out in times of need,

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (Pro 27:17 ESV)

You want to have sharp friends! And you should want to be a sharp friend yourself.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. (Pro 11:13 ESV)

Are you a person that blabs everything they hear? You won’t be a good friend. Good friends keep secrets so that there is trust. With trust, you can feel safe. Good friends can confide in each other.

And the Bible teaches us that it is not about how many friends you have but how good they are. Good, good friends are precious gifts:

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Pro 18:24 ESV)

Eros – Sexual, Romantic Love

Sexual love is its own category. We are attracted to some people and not to others. That, of course, does mean that God okays pursuing every attraction we feel. King David was severely admonished for chasing his attraction with Bathsheba, a married women. She got pregnant! David schemed to cover it up! When he couldn’t he schemed to have Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, a valiant man, killed! God sent Samuel to reprove David for his sin:

And the LORD sent Nathan to David. He came to him and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one rich and the other poor. The rich man had very many flocks and herds, but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. And he brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children. It used to eat of his morsel and drink from his cup and lie in his arms, and it was like a daughter to him. Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the guest who had come to him, but he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.” Then David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the LORD lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.” Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. Why have you despised the word of the LORD, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ Thus says the LORD, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.’”

(2Sa 12:1-12 ESV)

This isn’t just about the murder of Uriah. Samuel says David despised God by taking another man’s wife. This is definitely against infidelity and adultery as not being something to pursue because love is love.

However, God is in favor of sexual love and believers have celebrated it throughout history. The Song of Solomon is in many ways an erotic poem. You don’t have to go further than the first verses to see that this is about love in the bedroom:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. Others We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. (Son 1:2-4 ESV)

“His chambers” is his bedroom! This whole book is talking about romantic, sexual love.

The Greek word Eros isn’t found in the New Testament other than being in the root of a name: Erastus. But it is in the Old Testament as found in the Septuagint. It’s found in the context of both legal and illicit love. Here’s an example of “legal” use.

the king loved Esther more than all the women, and she won grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins, so that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. (Est 2:17 ESV)

The king loved (eros, romantic, sexual love) Esther more than all the women.

In the next verse, the word lover has as its root this erotic, sexual love. This is in the context of illicit love as it involves the multiple lovers of a loose woman:

Now I will uncover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and no one shall rescue her out of my hand. (Hos 2:10 ESV)

The love that a man and his wife share is this eros love. But, interestingly, when the husbands are commanded to love their wives the word used is agape, not eros!

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (Eph 5:25 ESV)

Husbands aren’t commanded to romantically love their wives here, rather, they are commanded to love with the love of God. The commandment is that husbands are not just to love their wives romantically and sexually, but with the whole love of God.

In like manner, in the context of the LGBTQ mantra, “Love is Love”, any kind of romantic, sexual love falls in the eros category which is clearly different from the agape love that we as believers are commanded to live. Eros love is not Agape love. Again, while the Love is Love mantra certainly has an emotional charge to it, it has flaws in its argument.

Storge Love or Lack of it

The last Greek word, storge, that we’re going to look at is found in the New Testament only in its opposite sense. By that I mean the word is used in a couple of places to indicate a lack of appropriate affection:

They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. (Rom 1:29-31 ESV)

The word heartless above is the Greek word storge meaning hard-hearted, heartless, without natural affection toward. Another example is:

For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, (2Ti 3:2-3 ESV)

Again, storge is translated heartless here. Both these examples show lists of sins, deficiencies, that mark people that are the opposite of true believers.

The theme here is to guard against losing your natural affection and becoming hard-hearted.

In Summary

There they are, the four words for love in the Bible; agape, phileo, eros, and storge, They all have their place. If we want to live in holiness, we need to be careful to love in each of these categories in the way God has called us. Just because we are attracted to a person in either a friend way or a romantic one does not mean that it is a good thing as God has called us to be holy in all the ways we love.

ihttps://www.pinterest.com/pin/299348706462963455/

iiFor Nat’l Cousins Day, 3 Legal Facts About Cousin Relations, https://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2014/07/for-natl-cousins-day-3-legal-facts-about-cousin-relations.html

iiiDenmark passes law to ban bestiality, http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/32411241/denmark-passes-law-to-ban-bestiality

December 8th, 2019 Posted by | Homosexualtiy, Sermons | no comments

Apologies and Restitution

We have all seen the following scenario:  little Joey and Tommy are playing in the playground. Joey starts hitting Tommy. Joey’s mom comes over and separates the boys and tells little Joey that he needs to say I’m sorry. Little Joey doesn’t want to say I’m sorry, but after a while reluctantly agrees, and mutters a begrudging “I’m sorry”.  Now that she’s gotten an apology from Joey for Tommy the stressed mama makes sure the boys are still separate, and backs off.  However, in a few minutes, the incident starts again, maybe this time it’s Tommy hitting Joey, or it could just as well be Joey hitting Tommy again. We’ve all seen it.

First of all, we want to acknowledge that mom is doing a good thing in getting her son to apologize.  But my question is did the mother really do everything she could to help the situation. Well, if all she wants to do is teach the principle of saying “I’m sorry” after an injustice, then yes she did.  But if she wants to teach her child to build relationships then there certainly is a lot more work to be done here.

While we’re on the topic, the above example is young children but it seems many adults follow the same principle. In that principle all that you ever have to do is apologize, i.e., say “I’m sorry”.

The problem is that just saying “I’m sorry” does not: number one, restore the relationship to a healthy state, and number two, fulfill the guidance that the Bible has provided throughout the ages.

He entered Jericho and was passing through. And behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector and was rich. And he was seeking to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was small in stature. So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was about to pass that way. And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for I must stay at your house today.” So he hurried and came down and received him joyfully. And when they saw it, they all grumbled, “He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.” And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” (Luk 19:1-10 ESV)

Zacchaeus was a rich tax collector, because of that he was not popular. But our Lord praised him, both by staying at his house, and also with his words.  The principle that this section brings out is the principle of restitution. If Zacchaeus defrauded someone he restored him fourfold.  That means if Zacchaeus wrongly took a thousand dollars from someone, he gave them four thousand to correct the situation.

Now, before I go too much further, I do want to say a word about restitution and the law. I have heard it argued that Christians don’t need to make restitution because they are not under the law, and it was the law that required restitution. But I say to you, that not all things in the law are limited to being only part of the law. For example, the law made exact provisions for honoring the principle of resting on the Sabbath, and because of that, some people say resting on the Sabbath is part of the law so we don’t have to do that. But I say to you, that God rested on the seventh day of creation before there was ever a law and so set the example that a day of rest is an eternal principle that is not limited to the law. Likewise, the Law was full of offerings, but we see in the first chapters of Genesis in the story of Cain and Abel the principle of offerings to the Lord and that they should be worthy of being an  offering.  Giving to God, making an offering, is a universal principle outside the confines of the law, So, likewise, is the principle of restitution: when someone has harmed someone or caused them loss, in order to restore the relationship, the person’s loss needs to be paid back as closely as possible. And if you look at the examples in the Bible of restitution, what is paid back is most often more than what was lost.  Zacchaeus above paid fourfold.   There are varying amounts in the law:

“If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and kills it or sells it, he shall repay five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep. If a thief is found breaking in and is struck so that he dies, there shall be no bloodguilt for him, but if the sun has risen on him, there shall be bloodguilt for him. He shall surely pay. If he has nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft. If the stolen beast is found alive in his possession, whether it is an ox or a donkey or a sheep, he shall pay double. “If a man causes a field or vineyard to be grazed over, or lets his beast loose and it feeds in another man’s field, he shall make restitution from the best in his own field and in his own vineyard. “If fire breaks out and catches in thorns so that the stacked grain or the standing grain or the field is consumed, he who started the fire shall make full restitution. “If a man gives to his neighbor money or goods to keep safe, and it is stolen from the man’s house, then, if the thief is found, he shall pay double.(Exo 22:1-7 ESV)

The above section call for “full restitution”, double, fourfold and fivefold restitution in varying cases.  Those amounts were under the law which no longer binds us.  But the examples of restitution show that the person is generous in making restitution.

Restitution shows the goodwill of the restorer. The person making restitution wants the injured party to feel good about their relationship again.

The Empty Apology

The complete opposite of restitution is the empty apology. The empty apology goes like this; Frank and Mary worked in the same shop. Frank goes into the refrigerator and eats Mary’s sandwich. Mary finds out that it was Frank that ate the sandwich and Frank says “I’m sorry.”  Mary is a generous person, and since  this the first time this has happened she says okay and walks away. But a few days later Frank is hungry again, and sees Mary’s sandwich in the refrigerator and eats it.   Mary again finds out that it’s Frank but Frank is quick to apologize again, and says I’m sorry. Mary is a little troubled but forgives again. Then it happened the third time.  Mary is now upset with Frank. She tries to talk with him but his response is “I said I’m sorry!”  The words “I’m sorry” imply that there were feelings of remorse, and consequently, that the infraction would not be repeated. Clearly Frank does not have that understanding. Rather, Frank appears to have the understanding that you can do anything you want and the only price you’ll ever have to pay are two words, “I’m sorry.” Frank’s apology is empty.

The example of eating a sandwich may not relate to you.  The example could be 1 of a million other things, someone not sharing in the chores, a family member spending more than their share of family funds on fun items, not cleaning up messes, and those are just light examples.   How about more serious ones like mates flirting with other people, mates cheating with other people,  getting into fights, staying out drinking, or taking someone’s car without permission.  There are a  million issues that come up between people, the list goes on and on, i.e., always making you late, or always making you wait, etc. etc. etc.

And there are a ton of excuses; “I forgot” being maybe the biggest.  “I forgot”, “it didn’t seem important”, “I couldn’t help myself”, “I got too busy” all show a lack of care for the person you say this to.  “I didn’t agree with you”, “I’m not going to do that”, or even “you’re crazy if you think I’m going to do that”  are inflamatory words that will increase the conflict.  (Certainly there are times when someone has unreasonable expectations but I’m not talking about those.  I have given examples of clear infractions here starting with Joey hitting Tommy.)

The point is that the words “I’m sorry” are empty if they are not followed by action. Of course we are encouraged to forgive one another knowing that God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us. And we certainly want to teach our kids to forgive as well as practice it ourselves.   But we are also to be wise as serpents. And when we see someone constantly violating, constantly performing some grievance, we are not going to feel loved, or possibly even safe in that relationship.

Restitution

So what does it take to restore a relationship? If you make a mess, you clean it up, whether it’s your stuff or not. If a little child takes a toy from another child they should at least let the other child pick one of theirs that they can play with for a while. The point is that the other child needs to feel the love.

Sometimes to restore a relationship you offer something the other person wants. If the person you offended already cleaned up the mess you made perhaps there’s a gift you can give them along with the reassurance that in the future you’ll clean up the mess. If you destroy someone’s clothes you buy them clothes as nice or nicer than that you destroyed.  Or if you’re always making someone late maybe you can do the seemingly impossible and start being ready before the other person so that they can see the you are genuinely committed to being on time.

In a fight sometimes both parties need to make restitution.  Maybe the other person started it but you allowed yourself to heap false accusations and false motives on the other person.  At the very least you need to acknowledge that your words were not true and express the good characteristics that the other person has but that you maligned.

Restitution is not some legal principle of the law of the Old Testament that was only enacted by a tough God in that tough set of precepts called the Law.  Restitution is the principle used of by loving people to restore love to the relationship.

So both in parenting and in our own lives we need to teach and practice apologies with restitution as part of the system of restoring relationships and not as a way to say a quick “I’m sorry” and exonerate ourselves as we continue to act selfishly.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

 

 

 

August 15th, 2018 Posted by | Sermons | no comments